When I was a kid, we’d play softball of a summer afternoon. All the kids in the neighborhood would gather in someone’s backyard or a nearby schoolyard, choose sides, and play ball. Great fun. Sure, sometimes an argument would break out concerning the rules—we didn’t have an umpire—but we’d settle it and keep playing. Now and then, though, there would be a kid who just couldn’t accept the consensus about whether a hit was foul or fair or a runner was safe or out. I remember when I was about 12 and we lived in Gulfport, there was this one kid who got mad and went home, breaking up the game because we were using his ball. We soon found a more reliable supply of equipment and quit relying on one sore loser.
I have often thought about that kid over the years. Did he ever learn the lesson that in any group activity you have to accept the rules and the consensus concerning how they apply to specific situations? Otherwise, you might begin to find out the other kids were getting up a game and not telling you about it. We all have to learn how to get along with others—it’s called socialization. Those whose socialization takes a deviant path may be considered antisocial. What causes some people to end up being deficient in socialization is not well understood, but genetics may play a role, along with environmental influences and early negative experiences like abuse and neglect.
Whatever the causes and pathways that result in a person not being well socialized, the challenge to those who enjoy the benefits of adequate socialization is this: What are we to do with people who are deficient in socialization? Of course, the nature and extent of the deficiency matters. Toward a person who is merely socially awkward, we might try to put them at ease and include them in our activities without pressuring them. This approach, over time, might help such a person actually develop more comfort in social situations, moving along toward a fuller experience of socialization.
On the other hand, we have more difficult time responding to those who demonstrate a consistent pattern of antisocial behavior, especially those who prey on others without being restrained by empathy, honesty, or respect. Protecting ourselves from harm at the hand of these individuals is necessary, as is protecting others who are vulnerable to the damage they can cause. Extreme expressions of antisocial tendencies are common in a couple of personality disorders[1] including antisocial personality disorder (also referred to as sociopathy) and narcissistic personality disorder, which have similar tendencies and can be difficult to tell apart.[2]
| Antisocial Personality Disorder | Narcissistic Personality Disorder |
| Has little, if any, concern for the needs or feelings of others. | Does not understand the needs and feelings of others. Has beliefs about being special and more important than others. Has fantasies about power, success and being attractive to others. |
| Often lies, steals, uses false names and cons others. | Stretches the truth about achievements or talents. |
| Has repeated run-ins with the law. | Expects favors and advantages without a good reason. |
| Often violates the rights of others. | Often takes advantage of others. |
| Is aggressive and often violent. | Feels superior to others and brags about it. Expects constant praise and wants to be admired. |
| Has little, if any, regret for how their behavior negatively affects others. | Has beliefs about being special and more important than others. Is jealous of others or believes that others are jealous of them. |
While most people with personality disorders have great difficulty leading stable lives, there are some so-called high-functioning sociopaths and narcissists who are able to achieve success in some areas. Unfortunately, some high-functioning people with antisocial and/or narcissistic tendencies seek and gain positions of power and authority over others.
Remember that kid who would get mad about how the rules were being interpreted in our ballgames? He only ever did that when he was being called “out.” He never complained when anyone on the other team lost a judgment call. He was always right, and everyone else was always wrong. I wonder what became of him. I hope he learned how to get along and relate happily and effectively with others. However, he may have grown up not knowing how to cooperate and compromise. He may have never learned to appreciate another’s point of view. It’s very hard to have satisfying relationships while stuck in that mindset. And it’s hard to be happy if you think the deck is always stacked against you.
Unfortunately, some people develop more extreme antisocial tendencies and use them to control others and get their way. They may become very transactional, interested only in how they can gain an advantage in any relationship or encounter. If they go into politics, they define “free and fair election” as one in which they get the most votes and are declared the victor. Whenever they come up short, it is never their fault. They loudly claim the system was rigged against them (even if they had tried and failed to rig it to their own advantage). If they were ever to be indicted, tried, and convicted of crimes, they would lambast the court, judge, and jury as corrupt, biased, and “out to get them.” They would never have friends, only sycophants—sad hangers-on cut from the same cloth who are only into them for their own advantage.
As much strength as human beings derive from cooperating and getting along, it is surprising that so many antisocial and narcissistic “strongmen” rise to power. How are they able to get away with it? Part of the answer may be in the fact that there are a good many people with extreme antisocial tendencies, [3],[4] and like birds of a feather, they flock together. The one who thinks he has the loudest squawk and the boldest strut gets his turn to be cock of the walk. But the turn is short-lived in the long run. Ask Hitler.[5] Ask Idi Amin.[6] Ask Pol Pot.[7] Of course, none of them would ever agree with what history has written of them.[8] Sadly, even though despots pass off the scene eventually, they wreak havoc while they are in power.
And while it may be comforting to blame the dictatorial strongmen for the oppression and horrors they bring to their subjects and others, it is only fair to recognize that leadership is a group function, that leaders require followers. To get followers, dictators appeal to the deep-seated prejudices and grievances of the populace, promising solutions for the ills of society. One of the key strategies of dictators is to foist falsehoods and misinformation on the people they would lead. Burn the books. Ban the contrarian media. Jail the intellectuals. Wipe out dissent. Revise history. Thomas Jefferson said, “Wherever the people are well informed they can be trusted with their own government.”[9] A prime goal of any would-be dictator is to make sure the people are not well informed.
Human kind has survived so far due to God’s grace and the tenets of socialization expressed in the Golden Rule,[10] the Beatitudes,[11] and the virtues embraced by people of many cultures and beliefs who seek the common good, show compassion for their neighbors, and engage in sacrificial service for the benefit of others. As Jesus said (referring to himself), “The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve.[12] The so-called strongmen who rule nations with their antisocial tendencies are the very antithesis of servant leadership. Our heritage as a nation has been to reject such tyranny. Are we now to embrace it?
This nation has been blessed with many leaders who took seriously their oath to uphold and defend the Constitution, and who dedicated themselves to the common good. None of them were perfect, but most of them were honorable and sought to be good stewards and servants of the government “of the people, by the people, and for the people.” I have heard it said that in a democracy people deserve the leaders they have. Look in the mirror and ask yourself what kind of leaders you deserve.
[1] Personality disorders are associated with ways of thinking and feeling about oneself and others that significantly and adversely affect how an individual functions in many aspects of life. https://www.psychiatry.org/File%20Library/Psychiatrists/Practice/DSM/APA_DSM-5-Personality-Disorder.pdf
[2] https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/personality-disorders/symptoms-causes/syc-20354463
[3] In the general population the prevalence of antisocial personality disorder is estimated at 2% to 3%, with a 35% prevalence among incarcerated males. The male to female ratio is 3 to 1. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK546673/
[4] Although it is more difficult to determine the number of people who have narcissistic personality disorder, a lifetime prevalence estimate is 6.2% (7.7% for men and 4.8% for women). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK556001/
[5] https://www.britannica.com/biography/Adolf-Hitler/World-War-II
[6] https://www.britannica.com/biography/Idi-Amin
[7] https://www.britannica.com/biography/Pol-Pot
[8] I have included documentation for basic information concerning a few examples of infamous despots who, in my estimation, are examples of antisocial dictators. They are by no means the only examples that could be cited.
[9] https://www.loc.gov/exhibits/jefferson/60.html
[10] Matthew 7:12
[11] Matthew 5:1-12
[12] Matthew 20:28
Garry Breland 